the lesson behind the lessons

its no secret that me and many other of my friends think that i am in the wrong course. I guess i am just not turned on by numbers and the maths is really diluting the econs out of my degree. I have very little interest in what I am studying as my 5 semesters to date in uni has been very mathematically focused and I find myself getting lost in all the proofs and theorems and whatnots.

(disclaimer : i DO enjoy the econs modules i have done so far minus the mathematically related econs modules)

(disclaimer : numbers used to turn me on when it was all about application and getting the right answer gives me a sense of achievement)

The previous 2 semesters have been even bigger of a challenge and of little interest to the non mathematical me as i have lesser 'real' econs modules while being bombarded with heavy mathematical econs and maths modules. ( 3 killer math related modules this sem tqvm). I find myself getting more and more disengaged from my modules, just studying for the sake of it (its like downing medicine just because the doctor told me to eventhough i am not sick).

The thought always screaming in my head is basically - WAH i don't like! =.= why am i doing this again? ( can be unbearable sometimes)

ANYWAY a conversation with Lucas recently got me thinking. Why am I so not interested in what i am studying?
The thought provoking statement he said - It just depends on whether you WANT to learn it or not
The ever arrogant me instantaneously answered - I am not learning anything. I am just swallowing facts and spitting it out.

But upon some reflection, I realised its possible it is because i turned off my willingness to learn. ( though its also possible i just don't enjoy learning the traditional ' swallow and vomit ' way). I always pride myself (by putting it in cover letters )that I am ever ready to learn and I am open to anything as I consider it a learning experience. BUT my attitude to my 'learning' in its literal-lest( ok this word doesnt exist) form doesn't reflect what I take pride in.

Its true that I am VERY possibly not going to go into a career that will be closely related to all the mathematical stuff i am doing now, hence the information I take in from my modules are really not very useful. ( I forget 70% of them right upon submission of my test paper anyway).
BUT, the lesson behind all these lessons goes deeper than just being able to regurgitate facts. It is about the process of learning and competencies gained that truly counts. Discipline and resilience are only a few of the things one gains from completing a degree.

I HAVE TO KEEP THIS IN MIND.

When completing my degree, I can add another example of my resilience in my interviews.
COMPLETING A RELATIVELY HARD DEGREE ( its freaking mathematics and economics. it IS hard!) THAT I HAVE VERY LITTLE INTEREST IN WITH RELATIVELY GOOD RESULTS

ok back to learning.
( on a off note , I think I have found my dream/ultimate job in my dream company :P it feels good to have some direction in my future)

of improvement and tranquility

i think that i have improved in various aspects of my life may it be professionally or personally. and i am not going to grudge myself the well deserved pat on my back. so hooray :)

besides that, i think i am pretty at peace with myself. no more turbulent emotions, no more being confused. Things are pretty crystal clear on my side and its a good feeling plus i am finally able to spend some much needed time with my girlfrens.

On a random note, i am super super addicted to sweet potatoes and sweet corn making me feel like a farmer lol.

I do have one thing on my mind that needs instant attention though.. should i skip gala dinner and how do i get my ass back to kl on the 10th to fly to Thailand! gahhh i hate it when things clashes =.=

not sure how long this sense of tranquility of mine will last seeing tat the dreaded exams are coming real soon. but i am definitely gonna try to prolong it for as long as i can.

PS : christmas is in singapore already! damn fast! talking about efficiency =.=

being tested sucks

i.hate.exams T.T

and as luck will have it, i have been and will be tested for close to three weeks already :(
this sem academically is really a horrifying one with 3 killer subjects, countless projects, one languange and the oh so mafan entrepeneurship module...

thank goodness for small rewards ( THAILAND!! :D)

i am actually looking forward to the end of this sem ( read exams) as it will bring thailand and home CLOSER!

( ok thinking bout all the shopping i will be doing is making me smile.. good enough to make me go back to my books. )