homesick

Its been an overwhelmingly emotional after examness to date.

Saying goodbyes to my support system, a journey of self realizations, dealing with something from the past ( ok not so FAR past) and now an emotional trip back home albeit it being only a two days trip.

In these two days, I spent time with my family. And had realizations on how much I love them as well as how lucky I am to have supportive parents who loves me unconditionally. How lucky I am to have siblings who I love and cherish(eventhough they drive me up the wall sometimes). Somehow this trip home made me see the sacrifices and ‘behind the scene’ things my parents do just for the wellbeing of their children. I had emotion evoking conversations with my siblings that made us ending up in tears but I came out feeling really happy.This trip home has made it really difficult for me to leave KL. I swear this time going around familiar places of HOME has made me realize how much I miss home and KL. Its like being homesick when I am in KL which is super weird. Everything here is just so familiar and has its own memories attached to it. It may just be the fact that I have bought something there before. Or that it is the shop that I always eat with my mum after school during form 6. Simple stuff but somehow it touches me this time I am back. Mebbe because I am only back for two days tat makes it super hard to leave. This trip home made me wonder why did I make the decision to leave for Singapore. How could I have made the decision to go away from my loved ones. Why am I spending so much time away from the people I love.

I had one small yum cha session with my high school friends and I bumped into some old friends. It made me think bout my schooling days. How simple things were and how happy I was then. ( Not tat I am not happy now. But things were definitely much much easier and simple) Being around ppl I have known for so long is really comfortable and just easy. I now have a group of ppl that I really enjoy being with and love in Singapore but I guess life in Malaysia is something tat I miss.

As I walk around my house, touching familiar surfaces, sleeping in my own bed, I can’t help but feel really reluctant to head back down south. Its been an emotional trip home. Its back to my life in Singapore but again I just miss my life back in Malaysia. I know I left KL to challenge myself and just push out of my comfort zone but I cant help sometimes but to miss my comfort zone and wishing that I didn’t make the decision to leave.

Lying beside my mum talking bout life and just spending time, holding my dads hands while him leading me across the road protectively has made everything else fade in comparison. Suddenly Europe has lost its appeal. Everything else has lost its meaning. I just want to go home. To be home and to be loved.

Baby-ish I know. I guess its just a serious hit of homesickness. I am betting on myself surviving this. But for now I will just miss home with my every being and deal with it later.