reeling it in and moving on

sometimes things just changes in a blink of an eye. catching u by surprise, never expecting it come. but when that happens and regardless of whether its for the good or for the worst, you can only suck it in and move on. If it was good before, just be happy of what was. If it was bad before, be happy that the worse is gone.

life and people are just so uncertain, changes are inevitable. knowing and defending one self from change is the only way to stand firm against unfavourable sudden changes.

note to self : suck it in and move on

an itch to travel !

after the biggg drama a month ago or so, life has been pretty awesome - with teeny glitches here and there.
but the net value of life is definitely on the positive side :D
i am finally confirmed with background check cleared for goldman sachs thank goodness ! I am so excited i cant wait to start my internship. i am in dire need of a new environment and new challenges. ( one more month to go!)
The bangkok trip is confirmed so another awesome thing to look forward to.
And (CROSS FINGERS) korea has pretty good chances of going through - so i guess i may have another something to look forward to!
even awesome stuff from pre drama should be counted - like my three offers for my internship :) ( ok i know i may sound like i am bragging but screw it, it IS one of the huge highlight of this semester so I AM going to celebrate it)
I have awesome mentees tat makes me happy :)
i have awesome girlfriends that shares all my ups and downs and takes me for who i am.
I finally let go of an emotional burden that has been with me for damn freaking long.
i will be ending my term with a bang with reasonably good results to squeeze into my resume.
My ebs love me!
my diet was pretty successful :)
i am now able to admit that i dont like some annoying creatures openly and it makes me feel free
AWESOME family with an awesome mangkok for a brother.
i enjoy my parttime job as a student caller - pays not bad too LOL
a respected alumni telling me how she thinks i am of good stuff (ok mebbe not in this words in itself but something like that lol)
random offers tat is pretty good for the esteem
recent extra expenditure of set by extra income
hmm the list is endless.. i hope i dont jinx this positive value of life by writing all these down!

ok so this doesnt say why i cannot wait to travel again lol.
on a random note
i want to go to taiwan and vietnam again! BADLY !!!!

last positive value i want to add to my life before i am done with this semester is to reasonably pull my grades up!
ok done rambling

BKK

annual trip to bkk with my girls :) i cannot wait for december again.. then its time to shop shop again :) ok just the word bkk makes me smile :D
its good to be able to make plans with the only consideration in place is school. the taste of freedom is really really good and makes me shiver in anticipation.

i cannot wait for this term to end and for my internship to start. its excitement in its purest form knowing that i will be doing something i have never done before. meeting new ppl - smart ones at that. PLUS many of my REAL friends will be in Singapore during that period for their internship too.should be a fun 10 weeks.

may my journey towards the end of the term be of sweet and calm nature. and then my internship to be intensive and fun. and my holiday to wherever i decide to travel of the exciting nature. and my trip home to be full of love :)!
fun fun fun!!!

decided

1) i am done
2) life IS full of people who puts themselves first before anyone else, and the only way to work around it IS to put yourself first
3) be wary of EVERYONE and always take steps to safeguard oneself
4) have a VERY small group of people you can trust and never trust anyone else
5) ALWAYS remember people change
6) revert to old self

Lessons to survive in this world.
And today marks my lost of faith in mankind.

argh

ok this past week, my mood have been fluctuating from self reflecting, to calm, to resolved, to suddenly having the urge to scream at certain people, to being annoyed, to being confused to a lot of things la.. i know wat is it that is causing these mood swings but i can't seem to get rid of it..
hallo can you stop haunting me already? grrrrrrrrrrr..

sometimes i feel like i have accepted it, sometimes i just feel mm kam sam.. celaka babi betul rite? my fault entirely for getting myself involved in such a complicated and judgemental environment. why can't i be happy with being normal and do what other ppl are doin? live a non turbulent drama free life. (though i seem to have a knack to have drama in my life =.=) i wish i am a person who wants things everyone looks for as well- good job, good degree, good bf.. why do i have to want beyond? so ambitious for what??

i have never thought there will be a day where i wished i have never met you. but i have come to it.seriously. i am a stage where i can forgo whatever that came with you just to be normal. to not have all these drama in life. to not have these stupid emotions fluctuating within.

obviously this is just a rant. i guess the internal need for me to want more and do things that are extraordinary is never going to go. i forsee it bringing even more dramas and challenges to my life. its never going to go away. even if i didn't meet you, i would find another avenue to attain my need for more which will result still in dramas albeit different ones. but at this point, it still remains that i wish i didnt meet you.
either let me scream at the ppl i want to or let me have some peace. can? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

guess what - screw you

I never thought I could feel SO happy amidst rejection. Seriously I definitely went through the ultimate of emotions just now.. numb, fear,relief then the ultimate happiness. Bawled like a baby in relief just now when I found out I still have the support of my LC. My EBs flocked to share their love and support. And i still have the confidences of people i look up to and care for. This moment totally defines how awesome it is to be a lcp.
I have the faith of my LC. The people I work with.
Do you?
Seriously do you?
Guess what?
Screw you.

looking for some excitement

Life has been pretty humdrum lately. School, work, routine AIESEC work, eat , sleep... and the cycle starts again.. This is proven by the number of amazing outfits i have in my cupboard untouched due to the lack of reason to wear them. T.T

I want to do something different, meet different people, see different things, travel, do random stuff.. gah.. not happening..

mebbe i should get this lazy ass out of ntu to some awesome toastmasters club (as planned with my lover :P) to get some excitement and meet different people.
but i guess its all about getting myself to move out of my comfy little room or even my comfy little island called ntu. my mind , my body and my heart seems to have different views on what they want lol. and for now my body is winning. --- NTU it is =.=

i need to get YOU out of my mind

gahhh recurring nightmares, deja vu. its like a shadow just following me around la. i need to stop having this affecting me. i have so much other stuff to worry and work on.
its like a obsession that is never ending. i get to put it at the back of my mind only for it to pop back at the most inappropriate time.

can i call for an end to all this obsession that brings me no where? to just work on life and getting where i want to be.

i think i need a major victory or an elephant sized (positive pls, enough of the negative for now) distraction .

rollercoaster

again .. the past month has been a rollercoaster ride.. with nice loong highway drives in the middle (purely from being home with my family - heavenly)

somehow i just seem to lead an exciting life.. lol things just enjoys coming in bulk at the same time.. important things summore.. nldc, gs interview, mcp elections bangkok.. all those big things in 10 days.. siaoo.. then now gs second round interview plus lcp elections plus mc elections plus db interview. then plus my owh so horrible results.. crazinesss!

at the same time, a lot of exciting stuff romantically is happening to the people i care around me.. so in a way i am living through them as well lol.. super sweet la can.. since there is no hope on my part romantically whatsoever ( cmi ), i will just ooh and ahh at the awesome sweetness happening around me :P

hmm a new sem has come.. i vow i am going to make it an awesome one may it be academically or aiesecally or internship-ally! all hail exciting times :D