stop blog lost - losing faith

so many things happening, so many things to do, so many challenges, so much shit to face.

321, spanish, 301, 311, 209, 815 (=.= huge waste of time tqvm) , human relations, feelings , work, internships, cruel ( i mean it literally) quizzes, hardcore school, hardcore work

i am drowning with no life jacket in sight. getting lost in the sea of to dos, and challenges that come at the WRONG time.
i need a support system but i dun feel like talking, rather fading into nothing.

i need some light. i need inspiration. i need motivation. i need to be less jaded.
i need to be able to breathe
or i will drown in this turbulent sea i call my life.

all is good and well in singaland

well not exactly ALL is good. but for now it is. We matched one TN, we raised one TN , we completed recruitment and I had a pretty awesome meeting with Prof Hooi coming out with lots of awesome opportunities we can tap on :)
School is still crazily 'i have no idea what the lecturer is talking bout' but i have faith i will decipher all those stuff somehow somewhere before the exams.

Its been an intense 3 weeks of school and all my gfs (plus me) are worked to the max. We really do need our own time off to chill and relax in order to move on 'gungho-ily' for the next weeks to come. I cannot wait for that unscheduled day to come T.T but again looking at our randomness, i am sure the day will come , someday somehow, hopefully BEFORE exams.

Time moves too fast ! it seems like just yesterday I was in Europe, or India, or shopping (:P) Somehow the transition from summer hols to school isn't that drastic this time though I have no idea why. Maybe its just my internal being pushing through life till the hols come again. December, I am coming!

just come back in one piece

early morning at 4am
should be sleeping
wide awake with worry
reading the economist
to lull myself to sleep
not working
could be studying
cannot concentrate
please come back in one piece
nothing matters
but that
please

disoriented

i just got back from India for AIESEC's International Congress 2010. Its been a rollercoaster-ish journey with intense emotions and deep thoughts involved. At the same time, it was great fun and warmth spending time with the Singapore delegation.

but now back in singapore i feel a little disoriented with school having started and me not moved into my room yet. thank god for the beauty of my ntu support system as well as my awesome eb!

owh though good news do come with the fact that i am going to live with my old roomate again which is awesome pawsome.
i do know wat i need at this point of time which is some order in my life. and its gonna come starting with me moving into my awesome room with my awesome roommate!

restlessness

its a long weekend in singapore cos its singapore's bday. but long weekends just reminds me how much i should be home rather than being in singapore. ahh at this point i need a good dose of healthy HTHT with the girls. Had a great night of talking and sharing with my dear ZQMM yesterday. Definitely worth the shortage of hours of sleep that resulted from the HTHT. Had an aiesec gathering as well which was fun minus the part that i had to leave early just cause we didnt want to miss the train.

Now, I just have this craving to have a HTHT session with my threesome support system. Or being at home on my mums bed just rambling nonsense.Or being in hall 14 with my gf talking random stuff and sharing travelling experience.

i think i just need some kinda excitement to keep me fired up for now. hmm shoppping anyone?

i want things to start again

sometimes i feel like i am walking in a dream after coming back from europe. or sometimes as if i am acting in a dramatic play of life. the only time i feel real is when i am back home with the family.or when i am in the aiesec office.or when i am with my LTs working.
i need to get back to real life. where school starts and my gfs are back(omg come back already!). where recruitment kicks in and real in your face aiesec business starts. or just stay in kl for a loong time with the family. spend time with my ntu friends. or my malaysian friends.or my roommate. or my 09/10 eb. or even with my books. being in familiar surroundings and with the basic essence of my life. simple, straightforward and without drama. where there is no need for second guessing, or guessing in any sense for that matter. no games, no mess and no fuss.
i wish i could turn off this rollercoaster of emotions playing in me but with everything not quite settled and my support system basically just not where i am , it is annoyingly hard to get rid of.

i am heading back to singapore yet again. the prospects of awesomeness for aiesec in ntu and singapore is making this trip back way easier.but still, with my support system either workign or waaay far away, this feeling of being in a dream is bound to hit me again.and a family gathering this sunday in kl is going to be hell to resist.2 more weeks and i will be off to another big event of my life. IC india! yet to feel really excited bout it. i guess the drama i have had this summer is enough to last me a looong time. i guess the only way to get around this now is to think that i am going for IC for my LC. harness resources for us to grow. that should bring out the fire in me.
pls start living already !

the awesomeness of home

can be summarized in one word... awesomenesss!!!

love love love <3