argh

ok this past week, my mood have been fluctuating from self reflecting, to calm, to resolved, to suddenly having the urge to scream at certain people, to being annoyed, to being confused to a lot of things la.. i know wat is it that is causing these mood swings but i can't seem to get rid of it..
hallo can you stop haunting me already? grrrrrrrrrrr..

sometimes i feel like i have accepted it, sometimes i just feel mm kam sam.. celaka babi betul rite? my fault entirely for getting myself involved in such a complicated and judgemental environment. why can't i be happy with being normal and do what other ppl are doin? live a non turbulent drama free life. (though i seem to have a knack to have drama in my life =.=) i wish i am a person who wants things everyone looks for as well- good job, good degree, good bf.. why do i have to want beyond? so ambitious for what??

i have never thought there will be a day where i wished i have never met you. but i have come to it.seriously. i am a stage where i can forgo whatever that came with you just to be normal. to not have all these drama in life. to not have these stupid emotions fluctuating within.

obviously this is just a rant. i guess the internal need for me to want more and do things that are extraordinary is never going to go. i forsee it bringing even more dramas and challenges to my life. its never going to go away. even if i didn't meet you, i would find another avenue to attain my need for more which will result still in dramas albeit different ones. but at this point, it still remains that i wish i didnt meet you.
either let me scream at the ppl i want to or let me have some peace. can? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

guess what - screw you

I never thought I could feel SO happy amidst rejection. Seriously I definitely went through the ultimate of emotions just now.. numb, fear,relief then the ultimate happiness. Bawled like a baby in relief just now when I found out I still have the support of my LC. My EBs flocked to share their love and support. And i still have the confidences of people i look up to and care for. This moment totally defines how awesome it is to be a lcp.
I have the faith of my LC. The people I work with.
Do you?
Seriously do you?
Guess what?
Screw you.

looking for some excitement

Life has been pretty humdrum lately. School, work, routine AIESEC work, eat , sleep... and the cycle starts again.. This is proven by the number of amazing outfits i have in my cupboard untouched due to the lack of reason to wear them. T.T

I want to do something different, meet different people, see different things, travel, do random stuff.. gah.. not happening..

mebbe i should get this lazy ass out of ntu to some awesome toastmasters club (as planned with my lover :P) to get some excitement and meet different people.
but i guess its all about getting myself to move out of my comfy little room or even my comfy little island called ntu. my mind , my body and my heart seems to have different views on what they want lol. and for now my body is winning. --- NTU it is =.=

i need to get YOU out of my mind

gahhh recurring nightmares, deja vu. its like a shadow just following me around la. i need to stop having this affecting me. i have so much other stuff to worry and work on.
its like a obsession that is never ending. i get to put it at the back of my mind only for it to pop back at the most inappropriate time.

can i call for an end to all this obsession that brings me no where? to just work on life and getting where i want to be.

i think i need a major victory or an elephant sized (positive pls, enough of the negative for now) distraction .

rollercoaster

again .. the past month has been a rollercoaster ride.. with nice loong highway drives in the middle (purely from being home with my family - heavenly)

somehow i just seem to lead an exciting life.. lol things just enjoys coming in bulk at the same time.. important things summore.. nldc, gs interview, mcp elections bangkok.. all those big things in 10 days.. siaoo.. then now gs second round interview plus lcp elections plus mc elections plus db interview. then plus my owh so horrible results.. crazinesss!

at the same time, a lot of exciting stuff romantically is happening to the people i care around me.. so in a way i am living through them as well lol.. super sweet la can.. since there is no hope on my part romantically whatsoever ( cmi ), i will just ooh and ahh at the awesome sweetness happening around me :P

hmm a new sem has come.. i vow i am going to make it an awesome one may it be academically or aiesecally or internship-ally! all hail exciting times :D

and then there was one

wah i really think i am taking exams much better this sem. i just realised i didnt come here to complain at all about the shitty 'E's this sem. So for tradition sake. This is the post where i complain about exams LOL.

All my papers have been pretty shitty so far starting from day one to the paper yesterday ( esp the paper yesterday). Came out wanting to cry and scream in frustration (though i went to get a mac d set instead =.=) Had another small series of misfortunes. Though all was good and compensated for when i received a pretty awesome email. ( I think i need to fix how I am so easily affected by external factors like exams and good news =.=)

Anyhoo, in two days one last one and I am free from educational ties for a month. Gosh i have so many things i wanna do. May it be leisure or @ related!!

Its coming..and i cannot wait.

Till then, back to money making module!

of ups and downs

Was down with exams blues
But was raised up by good times with friends from all over the world
Was higher up when i saw signs of hope and possibilities of awesomeness for something i really care about
Then was brought down again by emotional woes
But brought up by words of reassurance and mini HTHT with foursome
Then brought down by the numbers confusing
Then brought up by the fact that I can sleep and will be seeing foursome + one tomorrow.

Ah walking in my shoes will definitely give you a rollercoaster ride. Anyone wants to swap lifes for a day?